Maybe I am
He was not the start of the nightmare, not the cause of it. The nightmare happened 5 months before he came along. Brutal, swift, ripping out family to pieces. He was there to catch them. Or was he? But he is part of the nightmare now, part of the pain, part of the reason I am not ok. He brought so much joy to my life - travel, laughter, cozy nights, warm hands holding my shaky ones. He guided me through fire. He was protective and passionate, fiery and strong and I loved him so much. I may have held on forever. But he also brought me immeasurable pain. Something I should have realized from the start. It was November when he told me he didn't want to be an "also ran". I had only buried my husband - his friend, six weeks earlier. He pushed and shoved his way into our lives - even when I said I should not do anything too rash for a least a couple of years - within two months he was basically living in our house. He didn't realize what grief feels like and how it swa...